Life changes
While staying the same
I have changed
But I know myself
It's not that I don't recognize myself
Because I am not different
I am just not the same
Forever changed and unchanged
I don't feel apart of this place
Or apart of anyone
I feel left out
To be alone
With out my heart
Or my home
I wander still
Wander more
Wander lusting for what's to come
Mourning still
What was
What wasn't
Keeping things from
Eating me up inside
Making my happiness pay the price
Of the desires still strong inside
I keep my life from being a lie
But still must put on a show
Cause nobody knows
No nobody knows
Can't tell a soul
Would they really care anyhow?
I can't imagine that they can see
Past themselves into me
So I figure the point
Of it all might be
For me learn to depend
Only and forever on me
With no one to let in
Or make sunshine bright
Inside their life
Making me happy too
I guess I've given up
You have won
Aren't you proud
Aren't you happy
You have beat a worthless tale
A broken girl
At the end you get to victory dance
And I'll just walk away
So be happy
Let it all be not for nothing
Cause it feels that way to me
That even though I can still see
I no longer think
You see me
Or you care
Even though my heart whispers still
I just muffle it
Keep going
Giving up
Always giving up
Keeping life what it is
Is only a way to deal
Coping is not fun
It's actually pointless
It just keeps you
From being who you are
I need that
Need not to remember
So if you think you should show up
Think again
Your happiness is your own now
I won't think of it again
I am letting go
Of what used to be
It captures me still
Keeping life not my own
What to do?
Sitting alone in this place
People come
Mostly go
I carry on still
Towing who I am
And whom I used to be
It's just all about me
Feel selfish in an odd way
Cause it's not supposed to be
I don't have a choice
I wasn't given one
It has all happened to me
And I have to believe
It's not my fault
I did not ask for it at least
I know I did do some things
Keeping myself to myself
Wasn't easy
But you don't know
No one does
The price I pay
How it really is
What I live with
It's all on me
Seems almost cartoonish
Like not real or something
But it's my life
I have learned to deal
Learned to be raw only to me
And even then
I do it quietly and quickly
Keeping pace with my day
I roll it up
And put it away
Making it stay
Like a worn out newspaper
The kind you read endlessly
Then put it away
Keeping it safe
Only to take it out
And remember the tales
You love it
You hate it
It doesn't care either way
But often times
Life gets in the way
Of letting go
Or being yourself
Inside
Outside
Fear every where
Sometimes seeing the back of someone
You love with all your heart
Is safer than your eyes meeting
Your joined hearts beating
So in a desperate attempt
At self preservation
You foolishly think
You're better off
But there is no self preservation
It's all pretend
It does not exist
But only in your head
Playing the game is real
Fear taunting you to keep going
Losing is just too damn scary
More scary than fucking lonely
