No More Walls

I give up
Take it all
Take down all of my walls
So I am one with the ground

Exposed
Letting the filtering go
Keeping my thoughts simple
And focused on me

Letting people in
Seeing them
And who they are for me
Knowing myself more

Letting all that shit be
Be inside me
Even if I don't want it
Letting it be anyway

Confusing at times
It still all is
I want so much
And have so much to give

Letting myself know it
Believe it's possible
Letting it all be seen
Out and free

Letting go of what I used to be
Not looking back
Forward in my thinking
Seeing through the haze

Streaming and constant
Trying to keep me guessing
Uncertain and without
Lonely and ignoring

If I could truly see myself
For whom I am
I would first discover
How silly walls were

I am too powerful
Too protected
Engaged in life
Making a difference

Walls are just the formality
I hide behind
Because only then
I can look away

I don't have to see
I don't have to be
Seeing is being
Believing and freeing

Confusion is much better
For all that I hide
It gives me the means to cope
With the bad things in life

And if I dare to look deeply
I swear I will see what I already know
And what I want too
It ain't so bad then

What am I running from?
I can't cry for what I want
Then cry because it's coming
Already on it's way

At one point
I need to stop
Be happy
And accept it

Just how do I?
I am trying to figure it out
How can I?
I think I know

But have never done it before
So my belief is weak
I need to let go
And learn to let myself be

　

　

Squeezed

I would not have felt so squeezed

If it were not true

So compelled

Magnitized to you


I would not have wanted you

Just because I was near

I would be able to let go

And truly move on


As it's not all I know

Just what is true

I am lost without you

But you are close


As far as I can run

You just always reappear

Never gaining ground

Or losing you


If I go this way

Or that way

You are always

Around the next corner


And I am filled with fear

That you're never coming back

As that's what you said

Even though I know you tell lies


It makes it hard for me to fight

For anything

For you

Or for me


And I have been so without

Struggling to understand

Fighting to keep going

Wanting to give up


Gaining peace and knowledge

Learning things

About you

And about me


Things I always wanted

To know

To understand

It's all starting to make sense


Coming in clear

Decidedly so close

I can almost reach out

Almost touch it


I want to

I haven't stopped wanting to

I just am unable

But yet I persist


You're always there

I have never felt your absence leave

I have only felt you

Next to me


I have been squeezed

Into you and me

To see the truth

To let it be


As it is

Instead of what

I want it to be

Am afraid that it won't be


So squeezed

To just admit

How I still feel

In love with you


Squeezed for years

It never going away

Not even changing

Even if I push fucking hard


Many years it seems

I have tried to make it leave

Make you just fucking leave

But yet I am still squeezed


To just be

Let you be

Be inside me

Where you belong


Still I can't imagine

What that would look like

So I continue

Fight against letting it be


I try and remove it from me

I don't want it

If it means

Never having you for real


So I struggle with it all

Keeping things into perspective

Hoping it will change

Like I wanted for so long


But it hasn't yet

So I come in

I go out

Filled with so many doubts


Not ever knowing

My next move

How it will go

Maybe I am making it all up


Since I can't

Make you leave

Change what's true inside

Bring another into me


I have to let it be

Understand I am all for me

I am what I really actually need

Not anyone else


But since you are there

I also need to admit

You are here for a reason

And in time I will see


The point

The answers to unfulfilled questions

The truth

Beyond a shadow of doubt


Until then

I have to be

Live my life

Just for me


Things will change

In the time they need

And unless I see different

I'll go on being squeezed