Squeezed

I would not have felt so squeezed

If it were not true

So compelled

Magnitized to you


I would not have wanted you

Just because I was near

I would be able to let go

And truly move on


As it's not all I know

Just what is true

I am lost without you

But you are close


As far as I can run

You just always reappear

Never gaining ground

Or losing you


If I go this way

Or that way

You are always

Around the next corner


And I am filled with fear

That you're never coming back

As that's what you said

Even though I know you tell lies


It makes it hard for me to fight

For anything

For you

Or for me


And I have been so without

Struggling to understand

Fighting to keep going

Wanting to give up


Gaining peace and knowledge

Learning things

About you

And about me


Things I always wanted

To know

To understand

It's all starting to make sense


Coming in clear

Decidedly so close

I can almost reach out

Almost touch it


I want to

I haven't stopped wanting to

I just am unable

But yet I persist


You're always there

I have never felt your absence leave

I have only felt you

Next to me


I have been squeezed

Into you and me

To see the truth

To let it be


As it is

Instead of what

I want it to be

Am afraid that it won't be


So squeezed

To just admit

How I still feel

In love with you


Squeezed for years

It never going away

Not even changing

Even if I push fucking hard


Many years it seems

I have tried to make it leave

Make you just fucking leave

But yet I am still squeezed


To just be

Let you be

Be inside me

Where you belong


Still I can't imagine

What that would look like

So I continue

Fight against letting it be


I try and remove it from me

I don't want it

If it means

Never having you for real


So I struggle with it all

Keeping things into perspective

Hoping it will change

Like I wanted for so long


But it hasn't yet

So I come in

I go out

Filled with so many doubts


Not ever knowing

My next move

How it will go

Maybe I am making it all up


Since I can't

Make you leave

Change what's true inside

Bring another into me


I have to let it be

Understand I am all for me

I am what I really actually need

Not anyone else


But since you are there

I also need to admit

You are here for a reason

And in time I will see


The point

The answers to unfulfilled questions

The truth

Beyond a shadow of doubt


Until then

I have to be

Live my life

Just for me


Things will change

In the time they need

And unless I see different

I'll go on being squeezed