Room to breathe

Days
Nights
Not so fulfilling
Yet

Crazy
Full
Busy
Running after my own head

Not too much to spare
To notice what's missing
Not even extra to make
For lasting companionship

It's a moment here
One there
Glad she's as busy as I
Otherwise I would be in trouble

But I didn't come here
To rhyme of her
Or to complain
About life

I am merely saying
Life goes on
I have a future
One that I can create

As I have taken my power back
I have let it all go
Been freed from it all
Life will now work it's self out

I guess a major shift
Has taken place
One that leaves me
Back in the drivers seat

I stopped waiting
For life to come to me
I am ready to go out
On my own or not

Honestly
I just needed time
To be on my own
Take care of my needs

Long years
I spent living for others
Helping them with their dreams
Mine were all left behind

I didn't go after my own desires
I thought it was a waste
Useless and all for not
I focused on everyone else

So when my life opened up
Like huge gates to be parted

Giving my cramped world

Room to breathe

It was in that stillness 

I became focused on me

Finally able to see myself 

Through all the pain of yesterday

I didn't waste a bit
Getting to know myself
I followed my heart
It showed me exactly who I am

Full of creativity
Of all kinds
I am learning how to balance it all
Keeping only one foot on the ground

I see that things will uncover themselves
And all that life will bring
Happiness is inside that
Showing me how to be

Although I am centered still about me
I am learning to take a moment
Here or there
For others company

While I am still
Hyper focused on myself
I am also looking forward now
To who's right in front of me

Trying out a new life
Hoping to make better choices
This time around 
I won't be guarded or afraid

Keeping other's close
No more pushing away
Letting other's in
Even letting them stay

I am not worried for what's to come
I have mourned my past
Dealt with all of that
Not looking back

I am not trying to pursue an outcome
Or make anything clear
It will happen all in good time
I am merely allowing what is

Instead of wanting
Instead of hoping
Instead of pushing
Instead of pulling

I am letting things be
As I still have a long way to go
I have a lot to learn
Life still has it's mysteries

Ones that leave me bewildered at times
Things I still don't believe in or buy
People can still be rotten and disappointing
And nothing may yet come that I truly desire

But it doesn't matter today
It isn't cause for tomorrow
It will work its own way
It will work out for me

And when it does
I won't have put it all on the table
I won't have hidden deep inside 
I won't have forced a life to be mine

I won't have danced till I fell
I won't have given it my all
I only would have done
Exactly what I needed to do

Exactly what was called for
So that I could make true 
Everything I dream

As this is now most important to me

I am not afraid to 

Gift myself 

Letting it all hang out 
In the end I'll do it all

But for now
Today is calling for me
To keep going
Try and make life my own

It is what is expected of me
It is exactly what I need
Monotonous at times
But full of mystery too

Things come when they are able
When I am capable of seeing them
It will all work out right 

Not much to do until then

Planning  
Crying
Living
Laughing

Life is good
I am seeing that
So I'll put aside 
What I know had to be

All the plans I was making
And I'll allow what's next 
For my eyes to see
As I am not trying to force anything 

Just letting all be
Unfold in my life
Giving what's to come
Room to breathe

Transcended Daze

So I hooked up with somebody
I moved on

I found happiness in a pretty girl's arms
It was wonderful

She's beautiful
Alluring
Captivating
Passionate

It was satisfying
Complete
Interesting
Hopeful

I gave everything I had
I left it all on the field
I yearned to be touched
I yearned for her love

I didn't hold back
Never second guessing myself
I didn't think of you
More than twice

Two unexpected
Unwanting times
You appeared before me

Beside her

I let it go
Let you go
Got back to the business at hand

Unleashed myself

Laying there in her arms
I realized a few things
Things I already knew
Things I didn't want to be true

I let it be
Enjoyed her company
Let it be
Let it be

I saw the truth

Hidden deep between she and me 

Right in the middle of the sheets

I saw what was right
And what wasn't

It was everything it could've been
It was everything it wasn't
It was everything I didn't want it to be
It was everything but you

It was incomplete
Frustrating
Empty
Meaningless

Only half way to as far 

As I was willing to go

It was only a scratch on the surface

Of all the passion bubbling up below

I couldn't let it all out

It was trapped

Love was the key

And I don't have it

I feel like I'm transcended
Like I'm dazed
Like I'm completely head over heels in love

With nobody new

Something I think you know

My transcended daze
Keeps me often in a dream like gaze
Floating around still deeply in love with you

The past ain't over over till it's over
But the future seems clearer now
I am moving forward
Getting on with my life

And yet something inside still persist
Something I thought was gone
Some thing I tried to break

But it won't go away . . . .

What to do?
What to do now?
Let it be
No. Yes.

It has to be
So I'll put you aside
As you asked me too
I'll give all myself to her

I'll pretend
I'll cope
I make my feelings secret
Even to me

Bury them underneath
Rotten and ugly things
Still at the bottom 
Of all that is not me

And I'll lie
Just like you
As if I can't have you
I suppose she'll do

Not the most romantic suggestion
Or even offering
That I could bestow
And pursue

But I am caught between
What is right for me
What's real
And how I truly fucking feel

I am caught between that
And this alternate universe
The one you created
When you chose to ignore

Ignore who we are to each other
How you really fucking feel
And what's truly between us
That even your lies can't break

So I have to pretend too
I didn't want to
But hey I have needs
I want things

I am amazing
Beautiful, Incredibly!
I have so much to offer
And NOW I am ready

So I guess I'll just hope
That forcing myself to get over you
Is the right choice
I mean it seems to have worked for you!

I will love her, eventually
It will never be the smack in the face
Like the one that happened
The first day I met you

It won't call me out
Or make me desire it
It might get boring
As it lacks that dramatic flare

But that's ok
I guess
I mean what choice do I have
I truly love you enough to let you go

And you have chosen, so there
It's happened
Please be happy
I am going to try too

She loves San Fran and LA
I can see us moving in a dream that might come true
When I am done with school
She likes the bass and I like it too

She's a Sag
Still fiery
Not as loud
But I am loud enough for both of us

2 out of 3
Isn't that how it goes
Life doesn't give you what you really want
It always falls short

I am supposed to be falling for her
But yet you always appear
I am feeling you
With every touch she gives

I guess it feels all right
Not quite the same
I wanted to wait till I was completely over you
But I don't think that's ever gonna happen

So I have to do what I have to do
Being single in this day and age
Is the same damn thing as being a stalker
Lol, but it's true

So as far as the world knows
I am over you
Good for me
I deserve it

She's all right
Pretty
I guess I can hang
She's in school for film production

Her true passion
Consequently, movies are also one of mine
I think we could make a great pair
All in good time

I like that, along with her green hair streaks 
But it's ok to not get it all
Life goes on
And so do I

I guess I'm just telling myself
The real truth
As I still know
Even though I can't really be honest

Many reasons
Life is complicated
But I think I have a future
Just a ways up ahead

Eventhough I don't expect to get rid of you
I guess maybe I'm still connected
You never seem to leave
Only closer and closer you become

I mean you're here
You're not going anywhere
And hey
I'm used to it