Room to breathe

Days
Nights
Not so fulfilling
Yet

Crazy
Full
Busy
Running after my own head

Not too much to spare
To notice what's missing
Not even extra to make
For lasting companionship

It's a moment here
One there
Glad she's as busy as I
Otherwise I would be in trouble

But I didn't come here
To rhyme of her
Or to complain
About life

I am merely saying
Life goes on
I have a future
One that I can create

As I have taken my power back
I have let it all go
Been freed from it all
Life will now work it's self out

I guess a major shift
Has taken place
One that leaves me
Back in the drivers seat

I stopped waiting
For life to come to me
I am ready to go out
On my own or not

Honestly
I just needed time
To be on my own
Take care of my needs

Long years
I spent living for others
Helping them with their dreams
Mine were all left behind

I didn't go after my own desires
I thought it was a waste
Useless and all for not
I focused on everyone else

So when my life opened up
Like huge gates to be parted

Giving my cramped world

Room to breathe

It was in that stillness 

I became focused on me

Finally able to see myself 

Through all the pain of yesterday

I didn't waste a bit
Getting to know myself
I followed my heart
It showed me exactly who I am

Full of creativity
Of all kinds
I am learning how to balance it all
Keeping only one foot on the ground

I see that things will uncover themselves
And all that life will bring
Happiness is inside that
Showing me how to be

Although I am centered still about me
I am learning to take a moment
Here or there
For others company

While I am still
Hyper focused on myself
I am also looking forward now
To who's right in front of me

Trying out a new life
Hoping to make better choices
This time around 
I won't be guarded or afraid

Keeping other's close
No more pushing away
Letting other's in
Even letting them stay

I am not worried for what's to come
I have mourned my past
Dealt with all of that
Not looking back

I am not trying to pursue an outcome
Or make anything clear
It will happen all in good time
I am merely allowing what is

Instead of wanting
Instead of hoping
Instead of pushing
Instead of pulling

I am letting things be
As I still have a long way to go
I have a lot to learn
Life still has it's mysteries

Ones that leave me bewildered at times
Things I still don't believe in or buy
People can still be rotten and disappointing
And nothing may yet come that I truly desire

But it doesn't matter today
It isn't cause for tomorrow
It will work its own way
It will work out for me

And when it does
I won't have put it all on the table
I won't have hidden deep inside 
I won't have forced a life to be mine

I won't have danced till I fell
I won't have given it my all
I only would have done
Exactly what I needed to do

Exactly what was called for
So that I could make true 
Everything I dream

As this is now most important to me

I am not afraid to 

Gift myself 

Letting it all hang out 
In the end I'll do it all

But for now
Today is calling for me
To keep going
Try and make life my own

It is what is expected of me
It is exactly what I need
Monotonous at times
But full of mystery too

Things come when they are able
When I am capable of seeing them
It will all work out right 

Not much to do until then

Planning  
Crying
Living
Laughing

Life is good
I am seeing that
So I'll put aside 
What I know had to be

All the plans I was making
And I'll allow what's next 
For my eyes to see
As I am not trying to force anything 

Just letting all be
Unfold in my life
Giving what's to come
Room to breathe