Nah I really do believe

I feel you so strong
Right now I do
I feel this awesome love for you
One that has taken me time to let be

As I wanted you to leave
Because I felt such pain
And I wanted it to stop
And it wouldn't

At times I would

Catch a glimpse of the love
And it made me happy
And it felt right

And I held onto you

And didn't want to let you go
For a second I was free
And not suffering

But it scared me

So I pushed you away
Cause you told me
You were never coming back

But, You never left
I felt you then
And I feel you now
And I am grateful

A long time ago
About a year
I spent about nine months
Trying to get rid of you

I kicked you out of my heart
I let you go a thousand times
I screamed and yelled
I cried please leave

And yet you persisted inside me

For which I am grateful
As I never wanted you to leave
I held onto you tight

But oh I tried to make you flee

I even set a bomb off inside me
You remained
But it affected me

And eventually I gave up

And let you be
And when I did
My suffering stopped

As my heart was free
To love you
And to love me
Just be

I am happy in all moments

That I let our love be
And I have noticed that since we are texting
I have made the most progress

More in four weeks
Then what I did in a year
You make happy
You do

I guess I am done denying it

As it feels like a rightful part of me
And the love we had
Has grown

And I am not keeping it in place

I am not making it
I don't have a spell on you
I am victim of it too

I just can't run from you anymore

I just couldn't close our door
I feel so freed and happy
And who I was created to be

And I can't

As much as you might say you would like
Stop or go away
It's not up to me

I tried

And now I am done
So this is me
And I am glad to meet you

As it is you

I am in love with
You I choose
Jenn

I don't need

Sep 19, 2009

I don't need a place to hide
Someone to make the pain subside
I don't need a fight
I don't need lows or even the highs of life
 
I don't need a distraction from who I am
I don't need a girlfriend to be happy
I don't need anyone to call
I don't you to tell me how awesome this poem is
 
I don't need to be told I play beautiful music on my violin
Or paint my soul and it inspires the beauty within
And I don't need to be treated like a queen
Or be told how creative or awesome I am
 
It doesn't mean I don't want these things
But a want is never a need
So when I say I don't need
I am happy and fulfilled first by me
 
I don't need to be loved
May sound crazy but true
As all I need to do with my heart is use it
It's what it's for
 
I am loved
Loved by many
And The Light too
And so why would I need what I already have
 
What I do need is to love
Be happy within me
Be at peace
And be aware of all the moment brings
 
And that doesn't require another
It just requires me
To be open and aware
Of all I see and what is iniside me
 
I know my only true purpose
And the one that brings me the most peace
The place I feel most happy
Is when I am loving all I see
 
As when you love
Give it without any expectations
Or doubts
Or reservations
 
Or Restraints
And most definately
Guilt trips
And manipulations
 
Give it for free
And freely in massive amounts
And let it be with that person
How it is
 
As it may not look like you want it too
Or think it is suppossed to
And it might not get recieved well
Or in a way that is pleasing to you
 
They may not return it
Or say what you want
Or even what you think you need
They may do nothing
 
Don't be offended
Or hurt
Or anything like that
As the real reward is in the giving
 
And if you can look at love
Like a gift that goes sour if you hang on to it
And the only way to recieve the benefits
Is to in every moment let it go
 
Free it
And you will feel free
Give it
And you will feel it too
 
It is way better than
Expecting something in return
Or forcing and outcome
Or not giving it because of all the reasons why
 
And if you start the reasoning
You can come up with too many
And they serve no purpose
So let them go
 
Give love from your soul
True happiness and peace will follow
Health in abundance too
It's just who we are
 
Who we were created to be
But in a negative world
Hate is easier
But it destroys us
 
Love fills us up with what we need
And keeps us strong and healthy
It makes all the wrongs right
If we let it be

Quick sand me

I am like the quickest sand
I slide and slither under your feet
I can't remain steady
And you fall between my grasp

It keeps me from getting what I most want
And no matter how hard I try
I don't know how else to be
I just can't believe this is me

What can this quicksand teach
I have been hurt incessantly
And still life seems to be pushing me
Towards what?
As I cannot see

Quick sand gets created under the darkest conditions
And then waits like a trap
For you to fall in

They tell you to hold still
Don't move
It does kill
But it's no use
I just slide farther down

My feet can't touch the ground
Be weary
Be afraid
And I wonder if help is coming

As sometimes in life
Not all things
Can be done alone
Eventhough I still try

Sometimes I need to let someone in
Sometimes I need to take the help
But my eyes get blurry
And all I see is me

Trapped again in a predicament
One that isn't good for me
And I get that same and awful feeling
What if I am just a burden

What if they don't want to help me?
Why should I ask if that can be?
As I am certain there must be a way out
For just me

I search and see
And sink slower still
And while all I can do is think
It is still just about me

As I am fine alone
I don't need anyone
I have it all figured out
Been working on me for a long time

I know what I can see
Just don't know what I don't see
I am only just me
And If I want to be free
I need to accept the help

And when my blurry eyes straighten out
What an alarming thing
A hand is outreached
Extended towards me

It is just in time
As my eyes are about to sink
Under the grime
As my whole world shrinks

So I put my hand out
Don't know where
I can't see anymore
And can't do this my way

And as my hand is grabbed
I start again to see
Then it is not too long
before I can breathe

A breathe of fresh air
Is sweet to me
And as my eyes become unglued
I start to see

That I was never alone
And had help the whole time
I just wanted to believe
As alone is what I am supposed to be

Doing life on your own
Is impossible
And while I try
I see now it is for not

As there is many who are willing
And want to be inside
And some who even
Need a place to give

And who do I think I am
To deny all of that
But I do know for sure
I will continue to try

As long as I am quicksand
I will find a way
To free myself by myself
And that is where I prefer to stay