Untouched and Silent

I regret still

Throwing you away

You were once mine

Weren't you?

But now you belong 

To someone else 

I am so very glad you're settled

As you always wanted

I have remedied

My desire

I no longer want to settle 

Here or anywhere 

I want to remain free

Always 

I still haven't seen 

It's worth it

So really how I am supposed to know?

It's too complicated 

Life

And mine is too consuming

On purpose 

It's a great excuse 

But still I am empty

Life doesn't fill me up

I dream of flooding

And great big whales

Stuck in pools

And snow ends the water

Does it all mean

Things about me?

Heavily burdened I am?!

Emotionally cold?!

Powerful

Overwhelming 

Emotions 

Right

Well it's not like 

I can be honest

I mean where 

Does it get me?

I try sometimes 

But eventually I have to look away

Too much is wrong

And out of place 

Ok, here it goes again 

I want to move out west

Act

Love life

I know this 

Seeing it hasn't changed it

I am still stuck 

Inside this prism

And while I should want

To be with someone 

I don't 

Not really 

I can't get over

The pain of the past

How it all doesn't last

And I always end up alone 

I am sick of it never being me 

I deserve more

I don't get it

I only get heartache and suffering 

Don't think I don't get 

How it actually went down

I have fuzzy 

Embarrassing memories 

But it doesn't change 

Reality 

As when you are unconscious 

You're still accountable

I can't blame it on anyone 

That I pushed you so far away 

It's on me

I just never actually thought you'd leave 

But I am glad 

You have what you want

And I don't ever want 

To lose myself in someone again 

Never going to lose control again 

I will remain upright

Untouched 

And silent 

And maybe find someone 

Who can deal with that 

It's a hard harsh life

But I have a purpose 

August 15, 2016

2:04 am