Supposed To

Written: Nov 15, 2012 11:20 am

I know
What's  expected of me
I know
What I am supposed to do

It is my duty
To move on
Find someone new
Be done with you

They all want me to
Insist I should
Find someone else
Let you go

They aren't the only ones
Your family expects it too
And so do you
I know she does too

It drives her crazy
The past we share
How I am not with anyone
How you really feel

Truly without the lies
Between the lines
Is something right
But you don't admit it

It keeps you split in two
The you who pretends
She is where she wants to be
The face everyone else sees

Between the true you
The one who you are
Where your heart actually lies
Without the lies you tell yourself

I chose different
I chose to be true to myself
To not pretend
For pretending sake

I didn't move on
Just to try and be done with you
I didn't take someone in
Just so I could say I did

It is this that gives them all cause
Makes them think
They need to save me
But it only gives me pause

Cause I can't pretend
Not about this
You are just to strong inside
Making me admit the truth

Even though
I fought hard against it
Not wanting it to be real
I tried to move on

It is absolutely true
And I have to face it
I have to deal
You are just there

You're not supposed to be
You were supposed to leave
I was supposed to move on
Supposed to find someone else

But supposed to isn't real life
It is only a set of made up rules
Ones that I just can't seem to follow
No matter how hard I try

So it just makes sense
That everyone else would feel better
If I would play the game right
Removing you from my heart, forcing you out

I am always pushed to be with someone new
I am supposed to do it
But it is not at all
What is right for me to do

I know that
Because I can still see you
You are trapped inside
Like a life line

One that makes things right
Illuminates me from the inside
Showing me who I am
Keeping me right where I need to be

I understand
They all mean well
I get they only want
Me to be happy

They all want me
Not to be lonely
Have someone new
Who is good for me

They all think
If I just move on
I will be
A no brainier

But it's not that easy
Even though they tell me it is
I can't turn my heart off
So I can accept someone new

I know you make me happy
I do
I do
I really really do

I am not trying to fool anyone
Or make myself think its true
I'll try again
Try right now

I let you go
I do
Leave please!
Get the fuck out

But you won't
So I have to admit it
How it really is for me
Cause I don't need you

But I want you
What we shared was amazing
Minus all the pushing and pulling
Fighting and screaming

Through all that
The most precious moments existed
It is those I speak of
Those I want more

As I remember
The peace
The joy
The passionate life we shared

I am not confused about that
I didn't misread our chemistry
I didn't get confused
I know who we are together

I can pinpoint the exact time and place
Where I fell in love with you
And I know exactly where
You fell in love with me too

 I also know
All of that other shit
The fighting
The pushing away

The things that forced us apart
That got in our way
That came between us
Was not us

I get she is afraid
Of how you feel for me
So are you
Hell add me to that list

I get it is scary
Admitting you were wrong
Telling the truth
Starting over

I get it isn't easy
But how long
Do we really intend
To go on this way ?

You are certain
It won't work
You know that after all you did
It can't be different

I wonder if you can bet your future
On what you fear most
As from where I sit
Nothing is the same

So I don't question what we could be
I don't think it wouldn't change
I know we aren't the same as before
Everything is possible from this place