Not lost without you

I get that it would seem like I am crazy or something by the way I acted
It was confusing for me too
The loss of you

But months after crying because I was abused
I finally realized that I was crying because I was abused
I was not crying so much over you
I just wanted you there

I am used to not getting what I want
I am used to having to deal with your bullshit or mine
In the way like some fucking roadblock
Aggravating and incessant,
And I am unable to remove it, yet

I am used to not getting you
Wanting more
Wanting you
To be close, comfortable, and chatty
I miss those moments the most

Doesn't mean I like it
The separation and all
As I would give almost anything to have you, hold you,
And be intimate with you

Our Mutual Passion Flaring
The greatest Love Transcending
Our Lives intertwined
The most Excitement, Adventure, Possibility
I know it is worth it and a might reality

But I am not crumbling because you stopped yelling at me
I am not wanting to die because you took yourself away
And the other people I have come to love

I am wanting to die because the little girl is still hurting
And I can't take it anymore
I can't listen to the incessant crying
The constant and painful sighing
Or even troubled lying
And the insane writhing

I get it may seem like I can't go on because your not there
I thought so too at first
But when I realized that I was just looking for a safe place to hide
Someone to protect me from the danger inside

It all made sense to me
I know it was not your burden to bear
And I appreciate the room to spare
As I miss you, but am not lost without you
I cry over you
But am hurting over what he did to me

I am sorry if all the crazyness got to much for you
I get that it might have pushed you deeper inside
I want the world for you
I get that I want that too

Things are not better without you
As they never are
It was because of you
That I decided to come this far

I wanted to run away
But know it was not from you
I wanted to run away from him
But stayed because of you

You are a light in this troubled world of mine
I know that you are troubled too
We can work it all out my love
But for now lets push on through