She waits

She doesn't know me
Or know who I am
Or remember me
Or remember how she feels about me

She has forgotten that she cares
Or that she used to want me so bad
She has forgotten that she promised to marry me
And to love me beyond the pain of the past
Or that giving up was not an option between soul mates

She doesn't know she told me that she would keep her promises to me
She can't remember how I taste
Or the smell she loved so much of my hair and body
She has forgotten how we fit into a one
Simple
Perfect
Loud
Creative
Passionate
Lionesses

She doesn't love herself as is
And thinks I want to change her too
But I love and am grateful for every part of her
And just hope she sees it to

She believes I would never change
But I did and still she can't see it
She is so tightly wound into the past
She can't see what is really there

She has been cast aside
To her past
To sit and wait until it changes
But fat chance of that

As the past never changes
Until we do
Until we let go
But still she sits

Alone
Sad
Angry
Tired

She doesn't know how much she loves me or how much I love her
She doesn't remember
She can't feel it
She won't let herself

She has other people inside you know
I have met them
A six year old-scared
A ten year old-hurt and alone
A twelve year old-disoriented and confused
A man-angry and protective like dads are supposed to be
And I think two more
Her and one other

They protect her
They think I am dangerous
Because they love me
So they shut me out

They have been hurt so bad already
By loved ones and even some strangers
And fear more pain is coming
And if they didn't love me
They wouldn't need to shut me out

If SHE was really ok without me
And if it were really over
Then there would be no loudness
That travels through the paper thin walls

All would be silent
And still
And peaceful
And she would have progressed

But it appears that her life has fallen apart
And I am sure that's what is best
As only when our life falls apart can we change
And as hard as it may be for her she will do it

If she is trying to hide away
It doesn't matter
As I already have seen the worst her and the others have to give
And still I love her and them all

Fucking insane how much a like we are
Sometimes too much work
Always looking into a mirror is exhausting
Or I guess it is exhausting fighting who we individually are

But I know
I want to let go of who I am not
So it benefits me that she pushes me so hard
As even now she is the yin to my yang

As if not for her loud behavior
That only screams how she is hurting and scared and loves me
I know because it has been ME my whole life
I would not be finding peace and stillness inside

I understand her
Because I understand me
We are the same
Exactly the same

And where we are different
She teaches me
And compliments me
And I miss her

But life moves on
And I wish her well
And I know at some point
Things will be different

But I don't need anything to change
I accept life for what it is
I love her
She loves me
And I want her

It is when I resist that
That I suffer
It is when I try and run away from how I feel
That I agonize over the present

But when I accept the truth
And stop fighting the moment
I am at peace
And I feel love and sexual energy that dwells down so deep

I am sorry she is hurting
Sorry she can't let go of yesterday
I feel sorry that she has to suffer
And miss the fire that now appears extinguished

I bet she doesn't even play the beautiful guitar I bought her
I bet she watches a lot of TV
I bet she eats out most nights
I bet she thinks I spy to get my information

But I just know her
Have known her
Am the only one who knows her
But she has forgotten me

She deserves more than she got
And if it bothers her that my soul is with her
Then maybe she is just irritated because I can still see her
And she can still see me

But the current state of chaos won't be for much longer
As things are changing once again
As I am accepting the love we share
And still am not going anywhere