I am sorry to myself

I am sorry to myself
For ever saying I was better off alone
As it is just lonely

I am sorry to myself
For ever pushing her away
I did not know better
And now I know it was never what I wanted

I am sorry to myself
For being too hurt to come out and be with her
As that is truly all I ever wanted
I just didn't know how

I am sorry I couldn't heal myself before
I am sorry I was so stuck in the past
I am sorry I was so blinded by my pain

I am sorry I didn't choose happiness
Sorry I couldn't
And sorry it took many years and hard work to overcome it

I am sorry to myself
for always coming up short
in life for all the things I wanted

I am sorry that
I am still waiting for what I want
And it is hard to believe it is coming
But I am getting there

I am sorry for believing all the lies of my youth
That I was bad
Or Evil
Or wrong for not wanting to be used

Sorry for being so open
That everyone could chew me up
And spit me out

Sorry for not being stronger
And letting countless people hurt me

I am sorry for always wanting more
But never knowing how to get there

Sorry for being so exceptional
That the base line for life
Has never been good enough

And has always caused me to
Push past the shit
To get to more

And at times has been the cause
Of more pain and suffering
But always is worth it

I am sorry I didn't know how
To make it better then
But now I am learning

Sorry I couldn't say no
When I needed it
Sorry I couldn't say yes
When I needed it

Sorry for taking so long to overcome my past
And sorry I that I still have more to go

Sorry that it has been so hard
Sorry it never seemed to get easier
Sorry for all of it

I am sorry
But I am not sorry
As because of all the evil I experienced
It has not made me who I am
But it has shown me who I am