Judgmenting life

Jun 7, 2009

Judgment

All consuming
Sucks me dry
My thoughts become intertwined
Inside this lie

That I have to know
How it will all go
And I have to see
What the fuck will be

Or otherwise
It might be a surprise
And it could hurt
Or try and bring me down

As once it succeeded
In beating me to the ground
I was young and small
And believed all

All that was done to me
Was my fault
And that I was the same as my granpa
Evil, bad and wrong

So I started to judge myself in a new way
One that gave me no freedom
As I did not see another way
To let myself be

I had chosen without knowing
That I would carry his burden
And when I saw whom he was
I knew who I had to be

And judgments became me
And my life became his
And I didn't even know it as
I became many other people

Secrets frozen in time
Deep inside of me
It is hard to overcome them
But learning how I am grateful

But still judgments seem to rule
And my throne is littered with
The wrongs and should have been's
And I still can't see too clearly

My crown has such a distress upon it
My jeweled robe sits upon me
Heavy with so much self doubt
As being in the moment is almost impossible

But through it all I am learning
Learning who I am
And who I will be
As life is merely moments in a quickly moving time

And the most important thing
That I have seen is
Loving everyone no matter what
And to do that giving up all judgments is important

What helps me do that
Is righting everyone every time
Forgiving everyone every time
And being open and honest

As the quickness of life
Fades and folds slowly in the past
And what you see
Is what is, it becomes reality

And in the mere moments we are here
We can choose how it will be
But we have to act quick
As time is fading fast
And if we let it, it will be gone

Fear is the biggest contributor
Where judgments are concerned
It keeps most people running away
As if you are judging someone
You are not loving them

And most people are afraid of love
Giving or receiving
Pain, hurt, rejection and abandonment
Aid people in their protecting

But nothing really protects you like love
Judging yourself is just as bad
And it is my biggest weakness
I have a fetish with beating myself down

Maybe I am sadomasochistic
Or maybe I like it rough
Either way when fear comes calling
I start judging and shut down

I suppose old habits die fucking hard
And to ease the burden I once carried
I will give myself a fucking break
And let it all go

And notice it was not so very long ago
That I believed I would be punished severely
For being bad and evil
Which now I know is not true

So I suppose I can give myself a break
And remember how far I have come
And be grateful and proud of that
And the goddamn judgments can fuck off