Fuck it never matters

I guess it never really mattered
I suppose the things I learned growing up are true
People will fail you
And love conquers nothing

I suppose being alone and dead inside
Is not a good fate for either of us
But you can't admit you love me
Haven't been able to for years now

And I can't come crawling again
Not when I know it's your turn
As I will never give you more than I have
Until you meet me half way

So you want it to be over
And I have walked away
But I can't carry on without you
So my life goes in circles

I don't need anything
What is life really?
A moment here, there
Who really cares

I suppose I get it now
I never really did matter
And why did I think I did
I should have seen it all for what it was then

But when his ugly parts met mine all those years ago
I could neither accept or deny
Only become
And that is what really fucks you

And now I have seen it
Me as the one who is
And now I ask for nothing
Nothing in and nothing out

If nothing comes my way
Then nothing won't be used against me
This is just a stupid life
And one day it will end

And until then I will just have to look away
From what I feel inside
And what I want
A life of service to others and nothing for me

Not so bad
Not so rewarding
But it is one that THEY can not beat me with
So it is ok

As what else am I supposed to do
Life is too much for someone like me
And I wouldn't mind going it alone
As long as you get rid of these damn feelings

But you never do
And things don't really change
Not for me
For everyone else but me

It is everyone else's turn
And I don't know if mine is coming
But maybe I am better off here
The place that I have always been

And while I truly don't want to stay
I can't leave here on my own
And that I know
So it seems all is for not

And while it comforts me in the most familiar way
I could do without it
But changes can't always be made especially on your own
So I am left behind to sit in my past

And if people really new the truth
I wonder what would it change
As life is not what they think

Marie and Jenny