Needed

I need so many things
I need you
I need me
I need to be loved as I am

I need to be touched
Gentle and comforting
I desire much
And have pretended different my whole life

I need to understand me
Accept me as I am
I need to put my needs first
And not ignore them anymore

I need to right all the wrongs
Of my troubled youth
I need someone to see me as I am
Know I am loved beyond a shadow of a doubt

And not forget who I am
Or that I am human too
A human with needs
As opposed to whom I tried to be

Be because he touched me
And I couldn't understand
My brain got all fuzzy
And my heart got cemented over

I think it's the reason why
I never wanted to be touched
Because really I do
And was afraid people wouldn't

Or afraid they would touch me
And hurt me
In a bad way, like he did
Not love me

It is most confusing
And I can see now
I created distance and separation
My whole life

I need to be forgiven
By myself first
I need to be forgiven
By you next

I need to be aware
Of what happens to me
And aware of what others really want to do
And stop looking to see what I want to see

I need to be made love to passionately
By one person only
As I have played the field
And find it most unfulfilling

I need one pussy
To satisfy me fully
One that I love
One that I understand

And one that has stuck with me
Through all kinds of hell
I need to be loved
And love only that one

I need to be comforted
While I cry
I need to have a reason to live
And let go of who I used to be

I need to see myself
As the amazing gold mine
I truly am
Even though I am flawed

Flawed like the number of twinkle stars
Overwhemling and bright
Especially seen on a clear night
But not even wrong

As I need to also see we are all flawed
And even with my many failures
I am succeeding with grace and style
And life is not so bad

I need to see the good too
Not just what I need to work through
But how far I have come
And truly the difference I have made

And how loved I am
I need to remember that too
As I am loved by many
So many people to love back too

I need to see
How bold and fearless I am
The strength I have amazes me
And I need to see it for what it is

I need to also see
That I do whatever it takes
To love someone
Or free myself from my self hate

It is amazing
And phenomenal
And pretty cool too
And this I need to see as me

What a gift I am
When I let myself be
And listen to ME
Not my fears

As I need to live in this moment
And see it's glory for me
And shuck the past
And be who I am

I need to be respected
And not pushed away
I need to be pulled close
And know it is ok

I need to let others in
And trust they want the best for me
Will be there for me
And not test me anymore

I need to write everything I feel
And share it too
And then let it go
So I can emerge

I need to create everyday
Write, paint, act, and play
I need to let loose my artistic side
And uncover more of me

I need to accept the love I feel
Stop fighting it
Stop trying to make you and it go away
I need to let it be

As I feel best when I do
When I accept this moment
And all that is in it
Including you, I feel life is sweet

When I try and push you away
I suffer until I let it be
And what I am learning
As accepting is what I need

I need to let the past go
So I don't push people away
Making the same unhealthy mistakes
As the moment says to love

And when I seclude my heart
And cover myself
I am not being in the moment
But letting the love be is so what I need

Easier said than done
But I am almost there
As I am learning what the point is
And am almost ready to see it through

I need to stop wallowing
In self pity and doubt
But be optimistic about what is coming
Even though it remains to be seen

I need to bring forth
My hearts most desire
Really give it my all
And for you too

As it has been the point of it all
To see that I could do it
To be who I truly am
To be open to myself

And I am learning
Maybe I haven't arrived yet
But I am learning
And letting go of who I am not

I am changing many things
And giving myself so much of what I need
I am taking care of myself in a new way
And the rest I see will wait

And in time I will get all else that I need
What I have already seen
And for now it is ok
Because most of all I just need me