Walking up walls

Take me down to the bottom
Let me see what's inside
As if I don't understand it
I'll never be able to get any higher

Sitting in my muck alone
Is appropriate for what I am learning
If I don't understand it
I can't change it

I have to go down
In order to go up
And while sometimes it is hard
It is good for me

All for a purpose
All inside me
And I am learning
Profound things

But sometimes it just seems
Opposite of good
Like I will never get there
Or be done with this path I am on

Done with this hardship
Awake and happy
Done with the separation
Trying so hard

Sometimes
Even though I see the reason
The truth is not apparent to me
And I feel foolish or left behind

And sometimes
I feel the in between
Me and what I see
And this dream

Closer it comes
The more I see
The more I understand
About me

Opposites
In my mind
Take control
And keep me grounded

Letting go
Gives me freedom
Hope fills me up
Hopefully for a reason

But darkness
Or doubt
Laughter makes it flee
And still all I see is me

Me and this thing
Sometimes both together
Sometimes they take turns
And other times my heart just burns

Going up
To go down
Why I feel so turned around
Life seems to be scooting by

And I can't understand
What my mistake still is
I feel so foolish
Like I don't control my mind

I want to make these changes
But sometimes I still fall back on my face
And I used to kick myself a lot for this
And now I know it does no good

So I just accept my failure
Sit with me
And try and find some fucking peace
But it only comes in rationed amounts

Until I break on through
To the other side
Than I am flooded with all
And I feel at ease inside

Instead of putting myself down
I learn what else to do
But sometimes still feel so fucking confused
And not yet freed

But it doesn't matter now
As I am learning how to be me
Which is a full time job
One that I do seriously

And the progress I have made
Doesn't amount to much
But it's not over yet
As I know I am not done

And I am not as confused
Or full of pain
Not like yesterday
When all it did was rain

But now drama still hits my side
But honestly
Rarely
Is it mine

Something else for me deal
And while I have the me project still
Changing and growing
Over time

But as much as I put in
The work is still all mine
And I see that it is not as hard as before
But still can't budge open the fucking door

Maybe I can scale the wall
I am making good progress
It is the long way about
When the door is right there

I know it won't be opened
Until I have yet to see it all
And in time it will be so simple
And then I will be one with what I see

But I am not one who sits and waits
I take all things in my own hands
Turning and churning them
Until they become what I want

I say what happens in my life
I say what goes
It is not about anyone else
Never was

I am responsible
I am king
And until I get that
I won't get a thing

That I see or desire
Burning and dancing in this sweet fire
But since it was told long ago
I have learned to believe it so

Believe first in me
And second in how to do most anything
And the rest I just sit and wait
As I have already seen my fate

And I choose it
I accept it
I have learned to let it be
Be, me who is now

It is worth every bit of my time
Worth all of this line by line
And when I reach the point of execution
I will not run away this time