Divorced

Back in April of 2009
I recently got married
I married my best friend
And so shortly after it has come to an end

I am divorced now after 13 years of friendship
It was a quick and almost painless procedure
As I had no legal bullshit to deal
The law doesn't recognize me you see

And this marriage was the no sex kind
And the law would never recognize that
Or would they
Two faced Bastards

Maybe if gays promised not to have sex
The law might go along with it
I bet they would
Fucking control freaks

I bet most of the gay haters
Are jealous as they can't come out
Anyhow off topic
So back to me

Oh yeah
I am single again
Left at the alter once more
I suppose it is good for me

Divorced
Over something stupid
Isn't it always
People don't get the point

They don't see that in the end
The stupid things people say or do
Won't matter
And with forgiveness you can begin anew

But my heart feels hurt
And I am sad
I miss her
And she is not the type to forgive

She kicks people out
For many many reasons
If they do what she doesn't like
Or just cross an imaginary line

And I get she is scared
And hurt
As getting kicked out of her house was an unexpected turn
But I did nothing to deserve this

She just went berserk
And I guess she needs to move on
Find another friend
As I can't be her only till the end

Sometimes evolving
Can be the loneliest trek
You ever took up the mountain
But I must carry on

And maybe the ones who fall away
Maybe it's better that way
And it's ok
But is it really?

Why do I have to care so much
Why can't I be like the rest of the flock
Dumb and Numb
Blindly following

I am so hurt
But again I accept it
It's ok
It always is

Nobody breaks me
I guess it's just what she needs
Why do they all need
To be free of me?

Do I get in the way that much?
Or is it that I love too much?
Am too confronting?
And they get scared?

I don't know
I guess it doesn't matter
I hope one day
I won't be used to it

People choosing their shit over me
High tailing it out
And blaming me the whole way
Saying awful things about me without understanding and compassion

Sigh
Ugh
I am ok
Nobody breaks me

But maybe I'll be more careful
And not give it all away
It seems that people don't want real
And I don't know how to be fake

Written December 4, 2009