Brokenable me

Broken
Not no more
Why do people think
They can actually break me

I guess they are just broken
Broken and empty
Young and dumb
And heartless

I mean you
James Heartless
Or close enough to your real name
At least you were heartless with me

All those times you put me down
And called me awful names
My hurting body felt so dirty
And for what was your game

I spent two hours
Facing, with dread and strength
To what you did to me
Did with out care

Did like a king sitting on a throne
While you raped me
Made me do things for you
Things I didn't want to

Never wanted to do
But you knew it
Didn't care
And in my mind, I got the hell out of there

You can't change the past
But the brain doesn't know
The difference between real and imagined
And the past is just a story anyway

So I decided to leave
And put an end to letting you
Use me
To please you

So fuck off
And don't care
As you are an one dimensional freak
And I am letting you go

I have to go back
And sit inside
Your fucking joke behavior
Your evilish pride

But with strength and power
I will conquer you
And all the fucking others too
And one day soon
There will be no trace inside that you ever existed

As I am stronger
Than you
Better too
And I have me to carry me through

And while you will only have you
I would feel sorry for you
But don't think you actually know any different
As you must be the blindest person I've known

It wasn't easy
In fact it hurt and felt excruciating
To face what you did
To look at my mistakes

The whole world would have changed
If I could have heard my own voice sing
But I was already too hurt
And been there before

So I couldn't see
What you had planned
And to face myself
Screaming no and crying

Was too much to bear
As I didn't know it then
And couldn't help her out
But I tried anyhow

As I felt my defenses shut down
And my body try to run and hide
And from somewhere deep inside
Came up this strength

And instead of running away
I stood firm to my healing
And when my counselor asked me
What I wanted to do

Did I want to stop for now
Or go on somehow
And from deep inside my answer rose
"Whatever it takes" was my name

As I am done letting others finish me off
Done pretending I don't matter
I will do whatever it takes
To make it right with me

Whatever I have to face
Crying or in pain
Whatever I have to do
To be without all of you

As this is over now
What was done to me
So many years ago
Is coming to an end now

So instead of turning away
I started to let you go
And it was not easy
But I did it

And what I did achieve was amazing
Especially for what you did
And inside it all
Coming out you see

Is a better version of me
One who won't be knocked down again
One who isn't afraid of the unknown
One who will not take your shit ever again

A person with such strength
She amazes even me
And this is my life
And you won't ever get it again