She scares me
But not because I am afraid of her
Or I think she will hurt me
And not because she is mean
Or isn't there for me
She scares me because she loves me
And because I love her
She scares me more than anything else in the world
I hate being afraid
It reminds me of the worst moments in my life
It gets so confusing for me
I feel like I have to run away
In fact, I don't have many fears
I am mostly afraid of being hurt
What my granpa did to me was so horrific
That everything else seems to be mild in comparison
Spiders, snakes, rats, Tigers, Lions, jumping off mountains or out of airplanes
None of it scares me
And if I find fear I conquer it pretty quickly
Being hurt by someone I love
Is the second scariest for me
I am always hurt by someone I love
Even if that person is someone I trust
Even if I don't think they would ever
They do
So maybe I am best alone
All the actions I take to overcome my past
Never matter
I suppose I could be wrong
But have not been so far
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