Too Bold to be saying?

I miss you today
Oh how I miss you
I love you today
Oh how I do

Your beautiful face evades me
I wish I could see
What inspires me

You inspire to do great things
Do you know that?

I miss you, but I am ok
Ok, ok, ok, ok, ok,
But now I don't want to be ok
Ok is no kind of life for me now

You changed all of that for me

I never even wanted anything more than my hell, until I met you
And when you first took my hand
I willingly went blinded by my fear
Because of you things started on a long path to me getting better

I don't know where I would be without your love
Would I still have come thus far
Or been the same person I am now becoming?
Or would I still be deeply stuck in the mud I used to live

I know it is not far enough, it never is
Even though I try real hard, never is it enough
I don't ever expect it will be either

I think I might have dealt with my abuse at some point
But it was me wanting, striving to come out for you that made me start to face it
You are so special to me, the only woman of your kind
And while I was terrified, I still always wanted you
From the first moment until now

Only I didn't know how much in the beginning
Expect deep down I knew
I couldn't show it or verbalize it
Eventually it came out

I have been blinded by my fear the whole time
I am sorry for that
But now that I know you exist
I fear that I will never get over you

Just knowing you are out there in the world
Changes everything for me
Before I knew you, I didn't know what I was missing
But now I do know
And it will be awful hard to forget
I swear!

You are all I ever wanted in a girlfriend
Might be too bold on my part
But I can't stop saying it

You and me
Give us a rule and we'll break it
Huh, funny

Oh, how I miss you
I miss you so much that my body physically hurts
Sometimes as I experience the pain
I get confused
Because it feels so awful
Like I want to die

But it is only when I look closer that I get it
It is all my abuse wrapped up in the loss of you
But it takes me to pull it apart
Before I can see that I am missing you
But hurting over what he did to me

All the pain in my body gets lumped
It is confusing for me tell it apart
But when I see your beautiful face in a photograph
Or think about being close to you
I know what my body is saying

And I sit with it
As it is my experience with you
And I want it all
I am done shutting all the doors
I promise to give all the keys away
At least to you

I am finding myself in a peculiar situation
As I am opening up to strangers that usually scare me
I still have fear
But I am learning how to control it and am making great strides

I amaze myself at my tenacity and strength
Do you know that I write about you?
I wonder what you would say
It doesn't matter
I do it for me

I can't stop writing
You inspire me so
Not just because I love you
But because you are my muse too

At least, for now, I have that
I never wanted to let you go
I hope you really know that
I just couldn't see through the abuse

Things are getting clearer now
I have my ups and downs
As it was very scary for a while
I thought about going away
I hope those feelings don't come back
But I don't think I am done yet

I still can't eat
Been about five days now
Don't know why
Is it because I miss you?
Or because I am dealing so deep with my pain?
Or is it because I want to change my life and am fasting for a different outlook
At least that is what I tell myself as who knows why

I think about you a lot
And I am so grateful I decided to open myself up
As writing about these things that need to come out, help so much
I guess for now that is enough