No matter how hard I try

What the hell am I supposed to do?
I don't know how to help myself
I try and open the doors, but they don't stay open

I feel alone and lost
I feel like I can't live this life anymore
I am wasting away

I can't find work
I can't go to school
I can't move away

My counselor can't see me
And when she does I feel like nothing happens
I want help
I need help
Won't anyone help me?

I am completely alone
Trying to do my best to get through this
But I feel like I don't know how

I feel like my abuse is coming through
But I can't see it
I am so disconnected from it
Have been my whole life

How do I change something that I have done for over twenty years?

I feel so lost and alone
I am trying break free
But the doors won't open

People don't call me
Nothing seems to be happening
It is a familiar feeling

Happens to me alot
I want more than I know how to achieve
I just want to give up
I don't want to go on like this

There is no way out
I don't see any light coming either
Such a waste of a life
To always feel like this

It is very sad that it happened
But what the hell I am to do

The only thing I know is to not care
To stop wanting the things I can't have
But I am learning that only perpetuates it
And when I have to eventually admit the truth, it makes it harder

Harder
Always harder
It never gets easier
If I couldn't handle it, I would be dead
Sometimes I resent my strength
As it doesn't ever seem to change anything
It just enables me to suck down more shit

Well I am closing my mouth
I am done with this game
I will not accept it anymore
Something else better come than

It might even be close
I just don't know how to see it or make it happen