I am becoming who I already am

For my whole life I thought I was shit
Shit because my grandpa hurt me
I thought I was fat when I wasn't
Ugly when I was beautiful

I have fought my self esteem since I can remember
Thinking I was worthless
And if I ever forgot it there was someone there to remind me

My psyche has sustained much damage from all of this
I have not been a well person for a long time
I have made many mistakes trying to figure things out

I have gotten it wrong about who I am
That is the biggest mistake I have made
I mistook myself for a weak and worthless nobody

Many people agreed with me
by how they treated me
And I let myself believe it deeper

I didn't know any better, though
And I was very young when the first seed was planted
However evil never let up on me

But right now
I say to them all
FUCK YOU!

As they have no power over me
They don't make or break me
I DO

And I am sick of letting them tell me I am shit
When I am not
I am hot
And I know it
I am beautiful in more ways than one

Beautiful in many ways
Like how I treat people, animals, how understanding I am, my soul is rich and full of
love
I am a good catch and a good person

I think anyone would want to be with me
I have a lot of hurt and pain from my abuse
But I know who I am

For starters
I know how powerful and strong I am,
Kind, wise, intelligent and creative too

I know the kind of girlfriend I am
Caring, sweet, concerned, connected, loving, giving, open
worthwhile, involved, interested, lit up by you, out going, passionate

I know I enjoy pleasing my woman in many ways
And Being pleased in many ways
And living life to the fullest

Laughing
Supporting
Creating,
Sharing lives
Completely and madly in love

I am good at all of it
Along with taking care of things
Pets, children, the house, dinner, her

But beyond who I would be for someone else
I get that I am a good catch for me too

I don't back down when I want something
I don't use laziness as an excuse for failure
I go right after what I want and make it happen
I have the power in my soul to make things happen

I am very talented and successful
I will live a great life for myself
Being an well established artist, photographer, actor, writer, violinist
I will take good care of myself too

I don't need anyone
Not really
I have everything I need inside me
Doesn't mean I don't want (you)

I am exactly who I want to be
Exactly who I always wanted to be
I am grateful to be walking in my skin
This dark world is hard enough to hate yourself

I thought maybe I did
But soon realized that it was the abuse below that I hated
Not me
I love me

I love me so much that I want the very best for me
I won't settle for anything less, either
I won't back down until I get it

I know I will
I always get what I want
Because I never give up

Things just look so hard for me now
Because I am down in the trenches
But each step I climb is a step out of it

And I know eventually I won't even see the bottom
I won't recognize the mountain
And I won't get tired or be out of place
As I am becoming who I already am