Deceptive Perception

Perception

Mine is so skewed
The perception of my life
Is such that I view the world as such
"Nothing I want will ever happen!"

I actually think that nothing will ever happen to me that is good or want I want
So much so
That even when it does
I can't see it

It is an interesting thought
That I just had
As I see it's validity in my life
It is an all encompassing ball of shit

Everything
Everything
Everything to me
Will never happen

But oh how I want it
Want so many things
And since I believe nothing ever will
I spend so much time crying for what isn't

So much time focusing on what isn't happening
And not as much time believing things will
It is a pretty revealing revelation
And might be my biggest problem

One that has been so deeply hidden
That many times when I set off bombs
To uncover the truth, so that I may be freed
It never surfaced with anything more than a wink

I can see here, now
That as long as I have this
underlying belief
Nothing will ever happen to me

And I guess that is why
It is so grounded
So in control
As I didn't even know it was running the show

Because I was abused
I didn't want those things to happen
And sure way to stop bad things
Is to stop all things

But NOW I want things
Good things
Wonderful things
Beautiful things rooted in love

Since so much has changed
Deep inside of me
I know the POWERS that are below
And I am learning

I am strong
And good things are not forced upon us
For this reason I see and now know
If I want all these things my old perception has to go

As I believe I create the good
And it can all come my way
But I have to be open and ready
And this I am

Now things are going to happen to me
Mostly that I want
And sometimes that I don't
But I have seen myself and I know I can handle it

It has taken a split from my favorite person
To reveal the beauty truth
And I regret not knowing then
What I know now

Especially about her
and about me
But honestly
Who knows exactly what they have?

Songs are written time and again
About not knowing what you have until you don't
So I am not alone
But at least I have taken the time to get to know

As I think we all learn who we are
Stacked up against the opposition
Of what we want
And what we don't have

And I look around
And I see perpection is personal
And I see how everything is not as people would like
But no one knows they are pulling all the strings

But I am learning I am
And that might be all I need to know
As the Powers are mine to wield
In this crazy love ride called life

And so I will
Let this go now
And change my perception of life
So all things I truly want will come my way
And I deserve it

Written at work, after the thought was revealed in about five minutes.