Protective strike

This person you say you are
Is not you
Not by far
They are your protection

And if you didn't desperately want to be with me
And didn't love me that much
You would not have the protection up
You are scared

Afraid of loving
Afraid of being loved
Hurt and pain you get how to do
But letting me be who I am for you is way too scary

I am not focusing on you alone
But I have to say what it is that I know
So this is not some put down upon you
It is me reaching out to my one and only, you

You can't just let us be
And I know I couldn't either, but am changing
As your protection wouldn't control everything, if it were that way
And that is the real truth
You picked them over me

But hey it's ok
I may not know their name
But I know they love me too
And I applaud their efforts

As I personally know
How they came to be
As it happened to me
And I am so sorry

I know the pain you suffer
I know the fear too
Your grandfather fucked you
And you are too afraid now

I get it
I got fucked too
So many times fucked
But not by you, never ever by you

And I would bet a man is this side of you
Just like your dad always wanted
And much like the perception you have of your dad
And every one in your life is fooled
And they don't see you

But I do
And I know
This mean horrible person is not you
You do not have me fooled

I know you and know this is not you
In fact, I never was fooled by your charading
I just had my own shit to worry about
And change

I saw long ago
How things would go
And this is how they are now
You deal with you
I deal with me

I know you think
I have walked away
But you will never get rid of me that easy
As I am here to stay

Just like I promised you
I would do
So don't insult me by assuming I am gone
And don't think for one minute I believe you are either

This mean person
However is not you
And the lies you constantly spin
Are so hurting you

I said I would not share about you
But today I realized that I am
No longer going to play that way
I will do as I need to do, to bring about the true

And also
I know what I see, you
So sad for you too
As I am the only one who does

Everyone else in your life
Believe you are this deadened version
But only because they don't know you
And don't know how to wake you up

And you may think
You are calling all the shots
But truth be known
You not talking to me
Is apart of the master plan from above

As it was used to get you alone with yourself
And I only hope are
But think that
You are only distracted to the point of death

It is not fun
But be assured
It will not end
Until you put it an end

As you deserve so much
And I get your hurting
But I am not
Because I already have you

Look around you
Look in your apartment
I bet it is trashed
And has been since you got rid if that girl you didn't like

She wasn't me
And that was all you needed
To show her the door

You see your apt is trashed
And you are alone
Because you are not yourself
And can't be out

I know you think I watch you
But I do not
I ask no one questions about you
And I do not go to your sites

I don't want that piece of you
Why would I when I already have your soul
It is God and you who tells me the truth

But I felt my flesh burn
When you touched her
And in my emotional cry
Did you feel me reach out to you

(A funny Joke that came my way)
And I bet people on the street say
"Nobody goes in, Nobody comes out!"
"She sent her soul mate away
And nobody has seen her since
(Look at the proof!!
As this is the proof that you need me too)

She boarded up her heart and her life
And now she appears to be gone
But she is still there
She is just hiding

A spin off of Willy Wonka
But I think it fits
As so many times in your life
You have secluded yourself

I guess you think you are truly awful
And as Norma told me just this night
People who have been abused might do awful things
But it does not make them awful

And if you think you can show me
By getting a million girlfriends
It won't work and I won't see it anyhow
I have already been told
As you want everyone to think
You fuck anything that moves

But I know the truth
I feel it
You tell me
You miss me and are hurting
And the only proof I would believe
Is you letting yourself love me as you do

You can hide from everyone else
But your soulmate (me) knows the truth
It doesn't matter if you want me too

And I promise I won't believe these things you say
As I remember you saying to me
That you don't mean it when you are like this
And I believe that too

Jen
I am talking to you now
I am not leaving you
And I am here for you

I do not believe what your protection
Has said
And never will I
I am here for you Jen
And I am not going anywhere

Come back to you
Fight like hell to overcome this
Fight for you
You are burried inside deep now

And fear controls you
I am not sad anymore
As now I not just believe
But, I will use my powers to make all things happen too

You are my one and only
And I know truly now
You tell me not to give up
You cry for help and I am here

I know I know I am right
My sister is moving to Hawaii
And you won't even say goodbye
But it is just more proof that you love me and lied

Too bad for you
Your life will pass you by
While you sit alone
And wait to die

Or will it
As I believe you will come out of your stupor
And defeat this once and for all
I believe in you most
And love all of you

Written at work in fifteen minutes on April 23, 2009