Deeper

Deeper and deeper inside
Seems the way to go
Deeper into the vault down below
At the bottom of my soul

Sliding freely down upon the dust of what was
Feeling empty with a trace of hope
Only visible when the sun shines just right
Feeling alone and confused

Trying hard to be what it is that I was meant to be
Wondering if that path will ever be seen

Numb with disdain
For my life as it is
Wanting what isn't
It all gnawing at my brain

Making it go away as
It keeps coming back
Begging to be left alone in my shame
As it seems to be a place I often return

Trying hard to fight against it all
Winning, but loosing
Trying hard to understand it all
Winning, but loosing

What is the point again?
How will it go
As if I get my hopes up again
Will they be crushed or I be disappointed?

Even though the odds are set against me
How could they not be?
I am alive
I still push on for what I know is right

Seeing the beauty of my dreams so dear
Holding them right next to my face
Keeping them close without disgrace
Living, breathing it in and out

All seems so far away
As for now I just slide down
Searching for answers or questions to be asked
Keeping it all within my grasp

Walking around my soul without fear
Seeing who I am deep inside here
Wanting, seeing, almost believing
Keeping it alive with my imagination

As it seems so real
It feels so right
But for some reason can't take flight
I have to stay and fight this battle

I think I know the outcome
How it will all go
It comes like a whisper in the night
And I hope to God I am right

Not afraid anymore to see deep down below
I used to never go where I didn't know
But now I see that nothing is there
At least not for me to fear

I get that it all has a mighty purpose
I hope that I realize it soon
But am putting in the hard work
And keeping it up as I always dance to my own tune

I can see clearly how I have cleared out so much of this space
It used to be filled with much disgrace
I cleaned it up, right for me
As I deserve to be free

So I walk far down the path that I seek
Deeper and deeper inside of me
I am hoping it will all just be
An extra long path to being me

Maybe I'll find you too
Deep inside of you
Maybe we'll see it together
You and me and life we can weather

But still deeper I go
As for where now, I have to see
As things are changing
And I am not done rearranging

Life is a funny of sorts
And I will outlast this torment I feel
As it has been so good for me
To complete what I didn't start

As even though my past was forced upon me
I see how I have the power to set myself free
I can change how the future will go
Something I always wanted to know

Funny, not so much
But it seems ironic in a way
Like a fairy tale land full of pixie dust
Where the children laugh and play

It has taken me to travel the loneliest road
Without you near
To get to the center of my soul
And learn to hold myself dear

I am not done yet
With this life
My future is starting to look bright
And the past is going down like a beautiful sunset

But deeper I go still inside
Looking for what I have left to divide
Not taking any more prisoners, ever again
As all the parts inside me are chanting, "We are all free men"

With much work left to do
I excuse myself from the party
I go to where it hurts the most
And open my psyche

All the answers pour out like a stream
I hold my breath and try not to scream
I take it one by one and deal boldly
And eventually it will all leave me being me