Not thine enemy

I am not your enemy
Never wanted to be
I just want to love you
Always have and always will

I am not your enemy
It's just not in me
I see you as you are
Complete, perfect, loving

I am not the one who wishes you pain
I want to be the one who supports you through it
I am not the one who hopes you fail
I want a front row seat when you succeed

I never meant to be anything but love for you
I always wanted more than I gave
I never wanted to be a pain
I just was hurting too

If what I say bothers you
Please stop reading my heart
As I can't hold it in so it doesn't touch you
I feel sad when we are apart

Please don't come here looking for a fight
Please don't tell me that how I feel pressures you
I have to let it out, as it does me no good inside
And I choose to write, as it is who I am

And you don't have to read this
I don't write it for your eyes alone
I write it so my heart can be free from what it says
But I don't want to hurt you, so don't look on

I am not asking for what you think I want
I am not trying to get your attention
I am just letting out what is there
So don't come here to think I want to cause you pain

Because I am not your enemy
Never have been
I am not the one who wishes you harm
I want only good things for you

Do not think I press myself upon you
Do not think I am trying to get what I want
I am only feeling how I feel
And not afraid to show it

I feel sad that things are hard
Your hurting, so am I
I feel sad that life has done this to us
What the hell did we ever do to deserve it?

I don't want what you think I do
I don't want only things for me
I am not thine enemy
As it isn't in me to be

Through all of this mess
This awful painful mess
I have learned valuable things
I have seen what it is important to me

And what mostly I have seen is
How I only want to love you
I know the fear of failure is there for me
I fear not being able to be free

But I know what I know
I just want to love you
But I am not asking
So please don't read this

As I do not want to be your enemy
If you need to be mad at me
I will accept it for what you need
I will be a place for you to let it breath

But I do not ask for anything
I do not want even right now
I don't ask or desire or demand
I just don't want to be your foe

I am not saying give me a try
It will all be great
I feel I need to be alone now
But I can't forget you or have my heart give you up

As I am not wanting to be your enemy
Or even what you don't want
I respect the corridor that I walk up and down
I see its purpose out there, and don't begrudge it now

I hope you don't read this
But hope all is well
I am ok, doing good
Could be better

I never wanted to be anything but love for you
And I am sorry I couldn't get around the issues
I am at a simple place right now
And I let it all go

You are strong enough, did you know
You will move mountains when you are ready
Your light is so bright, shines to the top
You are amazing, I hope at least you get to know that

I hope at least you will see what I have always seen
Seen and believed
The most special woman in the world
Used to stand right in front of me

Getting too far in that place you call gushing
I am getting too deep inside what hurts
So I will go now and stop while I am behind
But I do love you, even if you don't know it