Generations of sins to pay for is on me

Why do I pay for the crimes of my family
That aren't even mine
It seems my punishment
Has no end

I always feel
That I pay my granpa's bill
I don't even know why
That it still needs paying

I feel I have paid and paid
I have suffered my whole life
And all I want is to be ok
And my life to go right

How do I make this fucking change
I have tried so many ways
And I see I am not at the end yet
But I want to be

How do I get out of this jam?
Aren't I a good enough person
To end this suffering
I just want to change this

But I can't get the pain out of me
Even though I have tried
I feel so condemned
And so alone

I don't want this anymore
And I do not know what to do
I can't enjoy the things I do
I can see however I deserve to

But still feel so trapped underneath
The weight of his belly
And I can't see my fragile body
Deep inside his pit of abuse

So why is it still up to me
To pay for his sins
As I don't even know
What the hell I did

But I do know I am still in pain
And Life is still crushing
I am still not happy
And wish I could leave this place

It upsets me too
As the drama is tiring
I no longer want this
To be the focal point

But truly it is a process
One you can't push
And I know things are slowly getting better
But I also know I can't go on this way much longer

But I know I no longer want to pay for his crimes
Their crimes, the abuse of my family is probably vast
My Grandpa was from a different time and place where abuse was common
And he was abused by his father
And abused many of my relatives too

I am sure the abuse trickles back up the tree
To many different unfortunate people
It is sad
And I guess someone needs to pay

Why I wonder is it me
I am sure I do not pay alone
As I have seen the suffering of my family
But I know I pay too

It is a sad affair too
And I believe evil never goes unpunished
But sometimes it the innocents who pay
Time and again pay

And I am hoping
That once the bill is paid
We can all be rid of it
And start to look away